if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I am naked and annoyed.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
