She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
