If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
