oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
