You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
