Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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