Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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