i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
