you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
