I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
