I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
