Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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