I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
