You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
