you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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