I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
