So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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