For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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