I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
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