i permit you to call me
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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