She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
