You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
