They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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