i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
