U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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