I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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