If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
