So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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