I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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