never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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