happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
