3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
