Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
