the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
