You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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