im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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