M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Randomize
