My first STD was from a foam party
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
