I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
