Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
