is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
last night I used snow as a chaser
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
