I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
