so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
