I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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