is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
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