just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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