That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
