just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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