Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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