i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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