Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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