I got chris browned last night
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize
