do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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