You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
